霏楊狂想．馳騁于風

一直到跟朋友聊才去真的正視這個問題

因為天性裡討厭負面的事物，包含衝突

腦袋自動會避開這樣的東西，說是逃避

問題不能解決，導致後續的麻煩



總不能連武器都不帶吧？

怎麼用英文表達情緒、說出訴求的句子，朋友打了很多給我

只是淡淡的看過，說「我應該不會用到吧…?」，是敷衍

到了後來，察覺這樣的態度不行

I don't  know how to ask someone for something actually.

I always hesitate about what I want considering if I'll bother someone else.

That's why I feel tormented and suffer from the contradiction between

what I think and how I act.

Am I really who I am?



還是該學會吧，備而不用

即使討厭衝突，還是要懂得為自己爭取權益

太安靜，是一種漠視

我的生命，可以被漠視嗎？



I'm restrained in expression, and, and…

多情又無情

Out of sight, out of mind.

Can I really love somebody?

總在心裡掙扎啊



想把全世界的幸福快樂給你。全心全意地希望對方快樂，不求回報

這樣的衝動、這樣的我、可以嗎？

不禁質疑了起來…



卸下所有防備地給予、再給予。That's why Mother Teresa said

 'Love until it hurts.'

腦中響起了紀伯倫《沙與沫》的詩句：

'You are free before the sun of the day, and free before the stars of the night;
 
And you are free when there is no sun and no moon and no star.

You are even free when you close your eyes upon all there is.

But you are a slave to him whom you love because you love him,

And a slave to him who loves you because he loves you.'

這就是為什麼我總是不懂「愛」這個字

'You have to love without expectation, to do something for love itself,

not for what you may receive.

If you expect something in return, then it isn't love,

because true love is loving without conditions and expectations.'

會有這麼一天嗎？我終於明瞭…



冷漠與熱情同時並存、猶疑不決vs立馬行動的戰爭交織

這就是我，奇怪的我，特別的我

說這段獨在異國的日子給了我什麼？

大概就是讓我能更真切地去面對這一切吧



為此，我衷心感激著

生命之歌是如此地美妙啊

醉人如癡，又哭又笑又唱又跳

譜成一段各人專屬的生命旋律

或獨舞、或共奏、或和弦、或清歌

都很美好